It's a WondERful Life?
by cein
Summary: Christmas Eve, Dave reflects on his life, with a little help.


It's a WondERful life?  
  
----------------------  
  
Dave rested his hands on the parapet of the bridge and stared out into the darkness. It was Christmas Eve and his life sucked...it sucked big time.   
  
It hadn't always been like this. Oh sure, he'd had a crappy childhood. His father had been a drunk, whose idea of entertainment was to come home from the bar and beat the crap out of his wife and kids, blaming them for all his faults...or to be more accurate, blaming Dave.   
  
But he'd managed to make it to College, where his life hadn't sucked at all. In fact, it had been one long party. Okay, so the crappy scores on his MCAT's had forced him to leave the country to attend Med School, but Grenada had been fun, and he'd met Gracie there. Okay, it had sucked when he realized that their attempts at contraception hadn't been successful and that he was going to be a father, but hey, those were the breaks, and while he and Gracie hadn't stayed together, at least she had never denied him access to his daughter Alice.   
  
Having to leave Grenada and Alice behind hadn't been much fun, but it had been necessary in order to get a good residency. And Chicago hadn't been bad. He'd really enjoyed his time at County...at least until he had screwed up once too often.  
  
In spite of the fact that he hadn't been able to find another residency, Dave's natural optimism hadn't been dampened too much. He had told himself that it would be easier to get a place in the following year, and if it meant he qualified a year later, well that couldn't be helped. He had his job at the clinic, and while it might not have paid as well, he was still bringing enough home each week to cover his basic expenses *and* put aside a little bit towards the Christmas holidays, which he planned to spend with Gracie and Alice. Okay, he'd had to sacrifice a few hot dinners, and he hadn't been out clubbing for months, but hey, things could have been worse, he had told himself.   
  
Then, round about Thanksgiving, they *did* get a lot worse. He had picked up a dose of the flu, probably from one of his patients. It had been a bad dose, really bad, and had kept him off work for over a week. When he had finally recovered his strength, the supervisor at the clinic had already taken on someone new and hadn't been able to offer as many shifts as before. No work, had meant no money coming in, which in turn had forced him to dip into his savings.   
  
He had been as careful with his money as possible, but the rent still had to be paid, as had his Med School loans, not to mention his share of Alice's maintenance. Gracie had always been really good about it, telling him to pay her when he could afford to. But his foolish pride had kicked in, and he had sent the check off anyway, hoping that there'd still be enough funds in his bank account to cover it when she tried to cash it.   
  
But one thing that there hadn't been enough in the account for had been his plane fare. He had lied to Gracie on the phone, telling her that he hadn't been able to get the time off at Christmas like he'd hoped, and promising Alice that he'd visit her real soon with a big present. Hearing her little voice say "I don't want a present, Daddy. I just want *you*" had cut right through him. But the way things were going it was going to be weeks, if not months, before he was able to save up enough to visit her.   
  
"She'd have been better off without a deadbeat for a dad," he told himself, gloomily. "She deserves better."   
  
Leaning forward, he looked over the edge into the swirling blackness of the water. Alice wasn't the only person in his life who'd have been better off without him. His father had constantly accused him of screwing up his life simply by existing...and then of course, there was that patient he had killed.   
  
Dave rested his head on his folded arms. "I wish I'd never been born," he groaned.  
  
"You really mean that Dr. Malucci?" a voice said.  
  
Dave jerked his head up and looked around. "What the hell?" There was nobody near him.  
  
"Up here," the voice said.   
  
Dave looked up and saw a man about his own age, standing on the parapet a few feet away. "How did you know my name?"  
  
"So, do you really mean that?" the man asked.  
  
"What, about wishing I'd never been born?" Dave shrugged. "Why, what you gonna do, show me how much of a difference me being around has made?" He laughed sarcastically.  
  
"Is that what you want to see?" asked the man.   
  
Dave stopped laughing. "You're serious?"  
  
"Deadly serious," the man said, holding out his hand. "Just step up here and join me."  
  
I'm dreaming, thought Dave. I've picked up something from a patient and I'm hallucinating. The thought cheered him somewhat. If this was all a dream, then he might as well just enjoy the ride. Grasping the man's hand firmly, he clambered up onto the wide flat top of the wall.  
  
"Whoa," said Dave, as he glanced down at the water. It looked a lot darker and colder from this aspect.   
  
"Careful now, we wouldn't want you to fall."  
  
"Who *are* you?" asked Dave, with a frown.   
  
"You can call me Lou," said the man with an eerie smile. "So...you really want to see what difference it would have made if you'd never been born?"  
  
Dave nodded. "Guess so...I mean, I'm up here, aren't I?"  
  
"You certainly are." Lou closed his eyes and murmured something inaudible.   
  
Dave watched nervously as a mist swirled around them, blocking the bridge and the river from his view. He swallowed hard and was about to say something when the mist faded, leaving him standing in the corner of a familiar apartment.   
  
"You remember this place?" asked Lou, quietly.  
  
Dave nodded slowly. "Yeah. I...I grew up here...this is where my folks lived."  
  
Lou nodded. "Today's your birthday...or at least what would have been your birthday...if you'd been born."  
  
The door of the apartment was flung open suddenly. Dave heard a voice calling, "Josie?"  
Instinctively he shrank back against the wall.  
  
"It's okay," said Lou, reassuringly. "He can't hear or see us...nobody can."  
  
"Josie?" called Dave's father again.   
  
Dave's mother appeared from the kitchen, a dishcloth in her hand. "What is it, Tom?" she asked.  
  
"I got the job!" said Tom, excitedly. "Better hours and more money than I ever thought I'd make. We can finally get out of this dump and into somewhere nice."  
  
"Oh my God, that's wonderful," said Josie, dropping the dishcloth and hugging her husband. "I told you that the interview would go well. I'm so proud of you."   
  
Dave watched in shock as his parents hugged each other. "I...I don't believe it," he said, his voice hollow.   
  
"What's wrong?" asked Lou.  
  
"My Dad...he...he was right. He always told me that I ruined his life." Dave turned to look at Lou. "See, he was supposed to interview for this big job, but Mom, she went into labor with me a coupla weeks early. He missed the interview and someone else got the job. I remember him saying that if it hadn't been for me then the whole family woulda been on Easy street...but I never believed him...until now."  
  
Lou patted Dave's shoulder reassuringly. "Oh well...I'm sure it's not *your* fault. Shall we try somewhere else?"  
  
Dave nodded, and the mist swirled around them again.  
  
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When the mist disappeared, they were standing in an OB/GYN office.   
  
"I know that woman," said Dave, frowning as he tried to remember where he had last seen the woman who was being given an ultrasound.   
  
"You're a very lucky woman, Cathy," said Dr. Coburn. "If that tubo-ovarian abscess that you had a few years ago had ruptured, then you might never have been able to conceive naturally."  
  
"I guess I owe this baby to my doctor," said Cathy, smiling as she watched the monitor. "I don't know what I'd have done if I hadn't been able to have kids."  
  
Dave's face fell as he remembered where he'd seen her before. Granted, it had been hard to recognize her, considering that the only time he'd seen her before, she had been unconscious and on a gurney, following his failure to examine her before signing off on her discharge.  
  
"Ooh, looks like you struck out again," said Lou. "Hmm, let me try again. I mean I'm sure there's someone to whom you had a positive impact."  
  
But as the mist appeared and disappeared, it seemed to Dave that every place and time they went, his absence from people's lives had only had a positive effect. There were patients who he had misdiagnosed, girls that he had dated and dumped, even his buddies from High School seemed to be better off without him.  
  
Beside Dave, Lou looked at his watch. "Hmm, we appear to have time for one more. How about you pick the person this time."  
  
Dave shrugged. It didn't really seem to matter much, but eventually he made a decision.  
  
"A wise choice," said Lou, as the mist swirled once more.  
  
Dave held his breath, as the mists parted, to reveal a small but expensive looking apartment. "Wait a minute," he said, frowning. "I asked you to show me Gracie and Alice. I don't know this place. Where are we?"  
  
"This is Gracie's apartment," replied Lou. "Or should I say, 'Gracie and Allan's' apartment."  
  
"Allan?" said Dave, sucking in his breath sharply. "Not the same Allan..."  
  
"Who was dating Gracie before you came along and swept her off her feet. Oh yes. It appears that without you in the picture they managed to have quite a successful relationship."   
  
Dave slumped against the wall as Lou continued. "Allan's a partner in a most successful legal firm, and they have two children."  
  
"Is...is she happy?" asked Dave, his voice cracking.   
  
"Ecstatic," commented Lou.  
  
"I...take me back to the bridge...*please*," begged Dave. "I...I don't want to see any more."  
  
"As you wish," said Lou.  
  
Dave clutched at the pillar on the bridge, which had materialized beside him. "I...thought you were supposed to show me how much good I'd done in my life."  
  
"But have you done any good?" asked Lou, his tone suddenly harsher than it had been. "It seems to me that your life has been a complete waste of time."  
  
Dave nodded wearily. The swirling waters below were starting to look more and more inviting.   
  
"You might as well do it, you know," said Lou conversationally.   
  
"Do what?" asked Dave, without looking up.  
  
"Jump in. I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? Your entire life has caused nothing but misery for other people. Nothings likely to change. You'd be saving everyone a whole lot of trouble if you just jumped from this bridge right now."  
  
Dave looked up at him in shock. "I thought angels were supposed to stop people from topping themselves, not encourage them."  
  
"Did I say I was an angel?" said Lou, with a slight sneer.   
  
"Then what the hell are you?" asked Dave, backing away slightly from the evil expression now facing him.  
  
"Maybe I'm just a demon with a quota to fill," said Lou, his eyes starting to glow. "And I haven't got all day. So are you going to jump or do I have to push you?"  
  
Dave tried to back away, but he could feel the edge of the parapet under his feet. "Get away from me, you bastard," he cried out.   
  
Lou sighed, "I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this." Abruptly, he rushed forward, trying to knock Dave over the edge.  
  
Dave just about managed to dodge him. Lou's momentum carried him forward and he teetered on the edge of the wall, trying vainly to keep his balance. A look of horror appeared on his face as his foot slipped.  
  
"No!" yelled Dave, instinctively as he jumped forward to try and grab him. His hand closed on Lou's jacket and for a second he managed to keep his footing...but only for a second. As they both fell towards the water, Dave could see Lou smile and heard his voice saying "Gotcha!"  
  
As the freezing waters closed over his head, Dave kept hold of Lou's jacket, until finally, his fingers numb with cold, he let the blackness take him.   
  
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Dave moaned softly as a light was shone in his eyes. He tried to push it away, but he hadn't the strength to move his hands. "Go 'way," he groaned, his whole body aching with the cold.  
  
"Malucci, can you hear me?" he heard a familiar voice ask.  
  
Dave blinked his eyes open and saw Mark Greene peering anxiously down at him. "Do you know where you are?"  
  
He groaned, "Oh God, I'm in Hell, aren't I?"  
  
"Not quite, but it is pretty busy out there," replied Mark. "Anyway, you've swallowed a bit of water, and it took us a while to get your temperature back up, but it looks like you're going to be fine. I'm going to admit you overnight for observation, but that's just as a precaution." Turning to Haleh, Mark said, "Keep an eye on him until he's moved upstairs?"  
  
Haleh nodded, and Mark left the room.  
  
Dave plucked uncertainly at the blanket that was covering him. He didn't understand just how he had survived that nightmarish plunge into the river, and a part of him wasn't sure he was happy about it.  
  
"Everybody's talking about you, you know," said Haleh.   
  
Dave shrank back into the bed. "Guess Psych will be paying me a visit soon," he said, miserably. He supposed he couldn't blame Mark for calling them in...after all, that was standard procedure when dealing with failed suicides.  
  
"Psych?" said Haleh, in surprise. "Well, I suppose it was a bit crazy of you, jumping in the river like that. But you *did* save that guys life."  
  
Dave looked at her blankly. "I...I don't get it."  
  
"Don't you remember? A witness said they saw you on the bridge wall trying to talk down a jumper. The guy went in, and you went after him. Luckily the river patrol were able to spot you in the water. Must have been those reflective armbands you wear on your bike. Anyway, when they got to you, you were hanging onto the jumper, and they pulled you both out."  
  
"He's alive?"  
  
Haleh nodded. "Upstairs in psych right now. Kept yelling about how he didn't belong here and he was gonna send us all to Hell."  
  
Dave felt a smile come over his face at the thought of Lou dealing with the Psych department. The smile faded as he realized that nothing had changed. His life was still crappy, and now he was going to have hospital bills to deal with. He sighed heavily. "How long have I been out? he asked, looking at the clock on the wall.  
  
"Almost twelve hours," said Haleh. She glanced over at the door and then said, "You feeling up for some visitors? There's some people out here that want to say hi."  
  
Dave shrugged, "Guess so."   
  
Haleh opened the door and to Dave's surprise and delight, Alice ran in yelling "Daddy!" and followed by Gracie.   
  
"Oh my God," said Dave, as Haleh lifted Alice up onto the bed. "How? When? I didn't think I was gonna see you..."  
  
"We were trying to contact your relatives, and we found Gracie's name in your wallet," explained Haleh.  
  
"And when we heard what had happened, we got the first flight here," added Gracie, quietly. "We're going to spend the holidays with you...that is, if you want us to?"  
  
Dave had one arm wrapped tightly around Alice. Now he stretched his other hand out to Gracie. "That's all I've ever wanted," he said softly as he pulled her close. "You, me and Alice...that's all I've ever wanted."  
  
"Merry Christmas," said Haleh, before slipping quietly from the room.  
  
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THE END 


End file.
